Repercussions
by Clever Lass
Summary: Counterpoint: Buffy's view of her experience in "heaven" and her meeting with Angel, followed by Spike's view of the same. Oneshot.


_Disclaimer: All belongs to Joss and UPN_

_Timeline: Takes place after Buffy's resurrection in season six (when she leaves to go see Angel), and before all the truths come out in "Once More, With Feeling."_

**Repercussions**

_**Buffy's POV:**_

I was happy. It wasn't anything like I've imagined Heaven to be – there were no angels playing harps, no grand re-union with all the dead relatives. It was so much better than I could have imagined. I was warm, loved, and comforted with the thought that I had done my job. I had done my best, and I was finally getting a rest from all the pain and torment of a slayer's life. And although I didn't see her (at least, I don't remember seeing her), I know that my mom was there too, and that she was happy.

And suddenly I was forcibly sucked out of there, to wake up in my own coffin. Having to dig and claw my way up into the air, then to find the town in flames – it wasn't just my own personal hell of being the slayer. It was my worst nightmare of being the slayer!

And no one knows. Spike knows. But no one else.

Spike won't tell the others, I'm sure of it. And in some odd way, it helps – having someone around who loves me and knows the truth. Not to mention someone who, under different circumstances, has gone through the same thing.

I might tell Giles. I haven't decided quite yet.

I didn't tell Angel.

I mean, how could I tell Angel? For one thing, how would it make him feel to know that I'd gone to heaven and he had spent untold aeons in Acathla's hell? Where I sent him, I might add? And then, how would it make him feel towards my friends? -- who, in spite of everything, I still do actually love?

I don't understand it myself. I mean, I have shared my heart and my soul with Angel ever since I first fell in love with him. I even shared my body with him that once. I would have again, too, if it didn't make him into a homicidal incarnation of evil. The simple statement, "I was in heaven and they brought me back here," should have come easily to my lips when I talked with Angel. So why didn't it? Instead I told him about the demon bikers, about Willow and the rest of the gang, about Dawn and Spike. He looked incredulous when I mentioned asking Spike to look after my sister, but he must have heard the whole chip story from someone else already because he didn't say anything but "Be careful, Buffy." But I didn't tell him about the heaven part.

Why can I tell Spike, when I can't even tell the people closest to me?

Maybe because, after all that's happened, I feel closer to Spike than to any of the others now. And I smile at the thought, as I drive back to Sunnydale, that I'm going to see him soon. Maybe he'll say something to irritate me and I'll have to beat him up. Nothing like pounding on Spike to make me glad I'm alive! Maybe I'll even apologize to him afterwards. Stranger things have happened.

__

_**Spike's POV:**_

She's gone to see him. The poofter. I knew she would, or he would come here. At least this time I don't have to be around for the soggy meeting. Or see his broodin' face. Or have to put up with hearing his whiny voice, "Oh Buffy I love you so much but we can't ever be together so I have to leave now and hurt you all over again."

I hate him. If he loved her, really loved her, he wouldn't have left town. So what if they couldn't have a "normal" relationship? Girl always needs someone to watch her back, doesn't she? She wouldn't have even had to know he was there. 'Ats the way I do it. Well, sometimes. I admit, sometimes I just want to hear her voice saying my name. Even though it's usually followed by her fist punching my nose. Still worth it.

Though there's been less of the nose-punching and more of the name-saying since she's been back. Like she doesn't loathe me anymore. As heartbreaking as the thought is, of what she told me out behind the magic shop, it's still cheering to me in a small way. I mean, would she have told an enemy that? Or even someone she hated?

I wonder if she'll tell Giles.

I know she'll tell Angel. They can have that bonding talk: "You're the only one who understands what it's like to come back to life," or some rot like that. I can just imagine what she's telling him. Wonder if she'll mention me?

Nah, why would she mention me? It's not like I'm important to her or anything. I'm just some harmless demon that she lets hang around because I'm useful. Good babysitter and all.

So if she tells Angel, that'll mean the only ones who know where she spent her summer holidays are vampires. She's the slayer. Why would she tell the vampires that she was happier when she was dead?

Maybe she really does have that death wish. Damn. I'd hoped I was wrong about that one! When she gets back I'll ask her about it. I'll be abrasive; maybe she'll wake up enough to give me a good ass-kicking like she used to.

If it helps her feel alive again, it'll be worth it.


End file.
